Friday Five (in two): Things My High School Boyfriend is Doing Now According To My Mom’s Predictions

These are the things my high school boyfriend is doing now according to what my mom thought he would do when he grew up. (There are only two.)

1.) Working at McDonald’s

2.) Disappointing his parents




I just called to say I love you and also something I will probably regret later

Five phone messages I suggest you NEVER leave your husband at work.
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1) “Honey, did you take the kids with you to work this morning? Oh, never mind, here they are.”

2) “Me again, I know you said “no” to that Coach purse, but the gal at the purse counter at Nordstrom wants to talk to you about it. I’ll leave my phone with her. Give her a jingle when you can. I also gave her your cell number and your email. Hope it’s okay. Her name is Jen. She is like, such a sweetheart and…”

3) “Hey babe, my husband is going to San Francisco tomorrow and…wait…what number did I call?”…click

4) “Yeah, hi, call me back. I want to tell you something horrible I heard about your stinkn’, liar of a boss. Um, I’m not on speaker am I?”

5) “Hi, it’s me. **stammer**You know your 1967 Mustang that you loved…I mean love…**deep sigh**…loved? Call me back when you aren’t with people who are offended by cursing.”




Friday Five: Some Internet themed links…One Speech-Centered Pet Peeve

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1) It is disturbing to me that MySpace has a “Browse” option.

2) At some stage you have to take a stand: is Internet capitalized or not? If you are interested in this kind of thing…

3) My friend John sent me this stat for my blog, he works doing something related to the internet (no caps for me) and has access to this kind of information:
*highest ever rank was 3,383,853 (out of roughly 109 million ‘distinct’ websites)
*.000015% of the global online users have been to your blog (I really haven’t a clue what any of this means really. He says it’s “decent.”)

4) The webcomic (left) is by “XKCD: A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.” Check it out Here.

5) Watch Google Map Gone Terribly Wrong Video: Here.

The Speech-Centered Pet Peeve of the week is when someone (especially twenty-somethings) use the word “actually” right before they are going to give you bad news…”Actually, your table won’t be ready for another 1/2 hour”…..”Actually, we won’t get any more MacBook Air’s in until next month”…or just simply “Actually, no.” You get the idea, total abuse of the word actually. Stop it.




Friday Five: The Oscars are coming, but so is Ira Glass.

I confess: Images1_3

I have never watched the Oscars and this year will be no different. We are going to see Ira Glass: Radio Stories, at The Barclay Theatre in Irvine on Sunday instead.

I don’t have anything against the Oscars, just struggle to find any interest in watching it, I guess. Between the two guys, Ira and Oscar, I would much rather spend the evening with Ira. Sorry little gold man…I think Ira would be a better listener, we girls LOVE that.

However, I did find these links that I thought were worthy of a look:

1) From the Soup: The Oscar Movie.

2) From McSweeney’s Lists: Other Things There Will Be, In Addition To Blood.

3) Jack Black, Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly singing at the Oscars: A Comedian At The Oscars.

4) The Los Angeles Times: The Envelope “Season of Upsets.”

5) Test your Oscar knowledge with this: Quiz.

Maybe I will TiVo the show, just to see if I am missing anything–then I will of course, let you know what I think…like ALWAYS.




Friday five: Parody Links, Plus One Speech-Centered Pet Peeve

1) 323952_5From The Onion: Mean automakers dash nation’s hope for flying cars.

2) News Biscuit: Police to be armed with sarcasm, oh, and this one too Redundancy for man who lived each day as if it was his last.

3) From The Soup: iPhone.

4) Of Course, New Zealand’s folk parody band Flight of the Conchords: Sello Tape.

This week’s speech-centered pet peeve is when people say “supposebly” instead of “supposedly.” Please, don’t do that any more.




Friday Five: Why Can’t It Be 1986? Why?

1) Darth Vader being a jerk: Now this Star Wars I WANT to see.

2) Only 80’s Retro Page.

3) Square Pegs: The quintessential 80’s teen TV show. This clip has Richard Blade and…and an explanation between Punk and New Wave…Devo…and…

4) Macintosh Commercial 1984

5) From the very funny Evany Thomas for McSweeney’s List

’80s Lineups That Read Like Tabloid Headlines.

BY EVANY THOMAS

– – – –

Lords of the New Church Fear Afterlife

Starship Sparks Crowded House

Chicago, Boston, Berlin, Asia: Damned

The Waitresses Squeeze the Specials

Pet Shop Boys Fixx Stray Cats, Toto

Flock of Seagulls Jam the Tubes

Sisters of Mercy Cure Television

Scorpions Sting Tracey Ullman

Police Poison Loverboy Cult

The English Beat New Kids on the Block

Scandal, Madness, Germs

Yes, the Smiths Heart Everything But the Girl

Gene Loves Jezebel




Friday Five: Random stuff and One Speech-Centered Pet Peeve

1) Office Slang: Find out the meaning of “Alpha Geek” or “Beepilepsy,” my personal favorite.

2) Steve Job’s MacWorld Speech 2008: Steve Job’s 90 minute keynote speech in 60 seconds–just as good as the full version (maybe better).

3) Bobby Fischer Quotes: Some of the best, “Don’t even mention losing to me. I can’t stand to think of it” or “It’s just a matter of throwing in a few sacrifices, then checkmate!” Good-bye Bobby…

4) “I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids” : Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile have written a great little book about the joys of giving up trying to be the perfect mom and embracing your inner messy linen closet.

5) Index_10_4

Speech-centered Pet Peeve of the week? When people SAY “Oh, that’s hysterical” and don’t even bother trying to laugh– not even a smile. For those of you who do this please see definition of Hysterical, #6 here. Now stop saying it, unless its through tears of laughter.




Friday Five: Really, Totally Random

1) Use one word from each column to create the perfect insult: Shakespear Insult Kit.

2) Tour some of the most tragic European Designs of the 1970’s: Eurobad ’74.

3) Another way to go…baby announcements by Rattle-N-Roll: Custom baby announcements.

4)As if you need more Product: Product Girl.

5) Which kitten is cuter? You decide at: Kitten War.
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MY NEW FAVORITE THING ON THE INTERNET…Almost Twins: High-Five Hollywood. You have to watch this carefully for the Starbucks burn (Yeah! Coffee Bean!)




Friday Five: Five Uses for Those Annoying Magazine Inserts

Five uses for those annoying magazine inserts that, no matter how thoroughly you think you have removed them, always seem to fall into your bath while reading.

-Use as coasters for guests you have absolutely no interest in impressing

-Picking up dead flies in the window sill

-Gather up hundreds (not hard to do) and send them to the Editor of your favorite magazine in protest, hoping they will send you free product as a good will gesture
(will not work if your favorite magazine is Foreign Affairs or the like. Sorry Larry)

-To write tardy notes on when your daughter is late for school

-Wet, pound into mush, mold into a pot shape, decoupage and plant your favorite perennial inside
(Martha Steward Living inserts only)

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