Our family has been trying to snag a coveted cottage at Crystal Cove for over two years. Booking one of these historic homes turns out to be a mix of planning, persistence and dumb luck. Over the Christmas break we were able to stay at Cottage #19A with friends staying in two other cottages. Now that we have our first vacation there in the books I feel obligated to share some tips on how to get a cottage and then how to make the best of your stay.

1.) Booking the cottage Because the cottages are state owned you need to book yours through Reserve America six months in advanced. If you miss that window try to keep your eye out for cancellations (72 hrs in advance) by checking the website or better yet, set a request on the Reserve America’s website that will notify you when a cottage becomes available during the preset times you select. Also, when the forecast says rain, you’re more than likely to find 1-2 cancellations. Keep in mind in California, the rain never lasts more than a few hours.

2.) Ruby’s Shake Shack offers packed lunches “To Go.” The Shake Shack is perched right above the cottages and offers a specular view if you want to eat there, but we took our lunch “To Go.” The nice people at Ruby’s pack up our lunches into individual lunch bags for easy dining on the beach.

3.) Bring games. There is no Wi-Fi at the cottages and no TVs in the rooms. It’s the perfect place to unplug and play some old-fashioned board games or beach games like corn hole or smash ball. Don’t forget your football!

4.) Rent a bonfire from the Beachcomber. The only way to have a fire on the beach at Crystal Cove is to rent one from the Beachcomber. They will set it up — even the chairs  for up to 12 people– and get it roaring for your group. For more info on the go to their website –>> here.

5.) The coffee situation in the morning. If you’re like my husband and me, you need to know in advance the coffee situation on any trip. There is a small coffee maker in the room but you can go to the check-in counter in the morning and get a carafe filled with coffee — free of charge — to take to your room or if you’re lucky enough to have a patio, enjoy your java there. You can also grab a coffee from Ruby’s or the Tiki Bar at Beachcomber. Lots of options so you’re good.

6.) Bring extra blankets. There are extra blankets in the rooms but it gets chilly at night at the beach. Each of us brought our own throw blanket to take outside and cuddle in and then use on top of the bed. We ALL used them.

7.) Heaven for sea glass collectors. Crystal Cove offers some of the most beautiful sea glass in SoCal. You ARE allowed to collect: sea glass, driftwood (up to 50lbs.) but keep in mind you ARE NOT allowed to collect shells, sand, rocks, any living creatures, or anything out of the tide pools.

8.) Hit Trader Joe’s before checking in. The Crystal Cove Trader Joe’s is just minutes from the Crystal Cove Cottages. Some of the cottages have kitchens — a few have stoves — but all have refrigerators. Grab pre-made salads, supplies for sandwiches and healthy snacks at TJ’s. But keep in mind whatever you bring you’ll have to carry to your cottage (or load on a cart).

9.) Pack simply. I can’t stress this enough. Your should not only embrace the laid-back vibe at the cottages but for practical reasons: simplicity is the key to packing for a stay at the cottages. Wear jeans more than once. Wear your hair in a ponytail. Don’t bring a massive amounts of makeup. Pack small meals and snacks. Also, don’t have a lot of loose items. Pack everything into bags or suitcases. You’ll either need to transfer them onto the cart that takes you to your cabin or walk your things down from the parking lot. Either way, you want it all to be concise and secured.

10.) Become an advocate for The Crystal Cove Alliance. Their mission is to renovate and preserve for future generations the Historic District’s unique cultural, natural and historic resources and to make these values available for the enjoyment and education of all. There is a wealth of information on their website –>> here.  This is a must-read before your trip!

For most parents Instagram seems simple enough to understand. Their teenagers post pictures or videos and their friends like or comment on them. Easy peasy. But there is most likely much more going on within your kid’s account. I conducted a spectacularly informal but still telling survey of parents. I  asked them this: Did you know that your teen can text to individuals and create group chats privately within Instagram? I found that 8 out of 10 did not.

Yep, I thought so. Instagram has emerged as one of the more popular ways teens communicate on their phones using a feature called Instagram Direct. It’s easy to send messages, photos and videos to individuals or groups (up to 15 people), but it’s tricky to find the message feature if you don’t know to look.

You can’t get to Instagram Direct messaging on your profile page. That would be the logical place to look.

To go to the inbox on Instagram you’ll need to go to the home page by clicking on the home icon. You will see an icon at the top right that looks like an old school inbox. If there is a new message an orange number will appear (denoting how many new messages you have). Click on that to get to the inbox.

From here, users can start group chats or reach out to individual Instagramers. (As you can see. I’m very popular with lots of messages.)

Users can “unsend” or erase individual texts within their messages. They can also delete messages or group chats with no record left behind of the conversation.

An Instagram user can send anyone a message if their account is not marked as “private,” even if they aren’t following them. So this means someone can message to your teen even if they don’t know them.

If you regularly check your kid’s text you can now add Instagram messaging to your routine. Next up … Snapchat!

Here are some more posts I’ve written about social media:

Five Thing You MUST Teach Your Teen About Social Media

10 Ways Mom Bloggers Are Different Than Traditional Journalists

How to Host A Practically Perfect Blogger Event

If you have gone through a divorce, you know how life-shattering the process can be. It’s not only for you; if you have kids, it can be equally devastating to them. Though I’m not a professional counselor, I do have the wisdom of someone who has come through a divorce and lived to tell about it.

Getting through my divorce was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I made a promise to myself at the very beginning that I would successfully recover. I didn’t want to be one of those women who 20 years after her divorce still complains, moans and talks about it to anyone who will listen. I vowed to myself that I would be happy again, not just for me, but more importantly for my kids.

I believe I have succeeded in that goal! I think that makes me as qualified as anyone to pass out advice about what I have learned over the past four years.

The following are my seven best pieces of advice for anyone facing a divorce:

1. Seek out support. 

You are going to need someone to talk to. You will feel tempted to chat with anyone who will listen about your divorce – barista, co-worker, Target employees. Resist that urge. I mean this with a heart full of compassion for you: They don’t care.

I had a few key friends who didn’t stop taking my call when they saw my name pop up. They would let me vent. They would let me cry. They were supportive of me and steered clear of any ex-spouse bashing. You want to find friends who will lift you up, not ones who will jump on the “Isn’t he the worst!” bandwagon. I never would have recovered without their support.

I also found it helpful to join a support group. Saddleback Church’s DivorceCare meets every Friday night (It’s a 13-week program) at its Lake Forest campus. The program includes a workbook and weekly meetings that allow for breakout discussion groups with other people going through divorces. It was a great way for me to get advice and support in a safe environment.

2. Keep your kids out of the drama. 

It baffles me when I hear stories of parents who share the dirty details of their divorce with their young children. (This includes talking about the divorce within earshot of the little ones.) It’s hurting these poor kids all over again. I’ve had parents say to me it isn’t possible to leave them out of the line of fire of a divorce, but it is possible. My kids haven’t ever heard me say a negative word about their dad. They don’t know the specifics about our divorce (or marriage) and don’t need to. Find a friend to talk to (see No. 1).

3. Find a good distraction. 

This might seem like a frivolous piece of advice, but it is key to a successful recovery. Find something that makes you happy and do it. You will have an enormous amount of extra time on your hands now that you don’t have your kids 100 percent of the time. Sometimes the gap left by the lack of family activity can be downright depressing. Don’t fill up your time by stalking your ex-spouse on Facebook or telling yet another stranger your sob story: Find something to do!

I joke that Pinterest and the “Downton Abbey” TV series got me through my divorce. You don’t have to start a nonprofit or complete an Ironman; just find something that gets your mind off the chaos that runs rampant during a divorce.

4. Get financial advice. 

One of the biggest changes that occur in a divorce is your financial situation. Be proactive and get some guidance. I found someone new to prepare my taxes, and I completed Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. These two simple steps put me on a path to financial stability.

5. Resist the urge to vent on social media. 

We all know people who write long venom-filled tirades about their ex-spouse on Facebook – we have all probably blocked a few. Or then there are the passive-aggressive vague statements that are meant to draw sympathy. I believe this kind of behavior reveals more about the character of the person posting nasty things about their ex-spouse than it does about the ex-spouse. Your attorneys will tell you for different reasons not to do this, but I’m talking from a social side: no one wants to hear it. Step away from your keyboard and call a trusted friend (see No. 1).

6. Don’t engage in text wars. 

Divorce makes typically rational, kind people say and do things they wouldn’t even think to do or say under normal conditions. It is a crazy-making machine. For your own peace of mind, resist the temptation to drag in every issue you ever had with your ex-spouse to answer a simple question about when the kids had their last shower.

And on the other end, if your ex-spouse wants to send you long texts (or emails) about how you did them wrong, simply don’t respond. It does absolutely no good to “set things straight” and will just leave you furiously texting in line at the grocery store or at an Angels game and will never accomplish anything.

I had a divorced friend who told me she created a mental file in her mind called “And that’s why we’re not married anymore.” Every time her ex-spouse did or said something that made her angry or upset she would file it away there. It’s a good practice of just letting things go.

7. Pray for your ex-spouse. 

This is hands down the hardest thing to do on my list. I remember when a friend first told me to do this. I thought he was out of his mind. He assured me it would help me recover (as he did from his divorce). Practicing this every day will eventually give you peace and let you move on with your life.

If you’re not a religious person, you can still get the benefits of this by wishing the best for your ex-spouse. At first you might do it through clinched teeth and with an angry heart, but eventually, over time, it heals you to be positive. If you have kids, in the end, you will need this peace to pass on to them.

It was just a quick exchange. I was at a restaurant on the border of Nevada and California dropping off my kids with my parents, who live in the Silver State. They were taking them and my brother’s son for a week to do whatever grandparents do with their grandkids when their parents aren’t around.

I just needed to use the restroom “real fast” before we had lunch and ditched the kids. I checked my email on my iPhone quickly as I made my way through the lobby and then shoved it in my back pocket. My daughter and sister-in-law followed me and we split ways at the stall doors – that’s when it happened. I will never, ever forget that dreadful sound.

“Kurrr-Plop.”

I turned my head and looked down to see my iPhone in the bowl, slowly sliding down deeper and deeper. It reminded me of that last scene with Jack in “Titanic” when he lets go and sinks into the abyss of the Atlantic Ocean, at least to me it was just as traumatic. At that moment, instinct kicked in and I fearlessly reached in and rescued it.

My scream startled my daughter and we met at the sinks, where I was already frantically pounding out the water from what now seemed like massive openings in my phone – cups of water poured all over the counter. My daughter quickly ripped off the cover and grabbed some towels. Then my sister-in-law came out of her stall and asked what had happened. When she heard the news she rightly struck an “eww” face and instructed me not to turn it on.

“I read that somewhere, don’t turn it on and put it in a bag of rice to soak up the water.”

Stunned and visibly shaking, I headed to our table to have lunch. My mom talked to me about bedtimes, helmets and something about a restaurant in Reno with a parrot that flies over diners dropping dollar bills to the kids, but I couldn’t think of anything but my iPhone. I had just bought it a week before; I’d had the original iPhone for over three years and decided to take the leap when it stopped taking a full charge.

Could it be saved? Why am I so upset? The parrot does what?

The six-hour ride home was brutal: no phone, no Twitter, no email. At about Newhall, my iPhone started turning on and off on its own in a haunting poltergeist way. It was weird; screens I had never seen would pop up and then the phone would go black again. When I got home I put it in a bag of uncooked white rice as instructed by my sister-in-law and the results of the Google search for “Dropped iPhone in toilet.” The rice glowed blue and red as my possessed phone turned on and off as it nestled deep in a Ziploc bag.

That night I dreamed a tidal wave hit me in my office.

The next day I took my phone out of the rice and to the Apple Store. I played it cool with the Genius assigned to help me and as I handed it to him I said, “I dropped it in water.” He looked exactly like a younger, shorter version of Russell Crowe, which was reassuring for some reason. He took it in his certifiably-Genius hands and without looking up at me asked, “Did you drop it in the toilet?” Busted, I fessed up, “Yeah, but I wiped it down with a handy wipe. I haven’t turned it on and it’s been living in rice since last night.” He smiled as he looked up to me, “It happens all the time.” Forcing a smile back I asked casually, “Can it be saved?”

Like I was good either way. Just wondering.

Little Russell assured me there’s always hope and took it into the back room to laugh at me with the other Geniuses, or as he put it, “run some tests on your phone.” When he came out through the white unmarked door after about five minutes he was shaking his head as he walked toward me. Like a doctor he delivered the news, “We did everything we could; we couldn’t save it.”

My heart sank. In a manic monologue I told him how long I had my first phone, the very first iPhone! I took it out of my purse and showed it to him, he seemed very impressed for an Apple employee. I finished up with how long I waited to get a new one, and now all the patience and restraint was for nothing. I really laid it on, but I meant it, I was truly and disproportionately upset, afraid I was going to burst into tears right there next to the external hard drives.

“Well,” Little Russell started, “since you had your first iPhone for so long, and you seem a little upset, we do have phones for these sorts of situations.” Ah, being a Genius and all, he realized he had a possible crier on his hands and Apple doesn’t do crying. Think about it, with its massive crush of people, its prices and the technical catastrophes being schlepped in and discussed daily, have you ever seen anyone crying at an Apple store? No.

Little Russell beelined it over to the bar and came back holding a small, black, unmarked CIA-type case. Not a white and grey, cheerful iPhone box, but a covert, lean and shiny box with an iPhone laying unceremoniously inside. He never once verbally said, “I’m giving you a new iPhone.” Never said the words “free” or “replacement,” he just brought it over, took it out of its CIA case, had me sign a form and handed it to me.

I stood there a long time holding my new phone and waited for him to say something – he didn’t. He just looked at me. Then I said, “Would it be weird if I hugged you? I mean, would you get in trouble or anything?” He shrugged and put his tattooed arms out. Isn’t that a nice picture? I was hugging a Genius with my new iPhone in hand in the middle of the Apple Store. I was happy. Really happy. Like wedding-day happy. Like when you were in eighth grade and the bell rang on the last day of school and you ran outside and threw your notebook up on the roof and ran wildly with your friends through the schoolyard kind of happy. It’s really kind of sad how happy I was over an iPhone. Little Russell understood.

Navigating your kid’s online and social media life can be overwhelming and often downright frustrating. For most of us we feel like we’re simply reacting to sticky, upsetting and sometime dangerous situations. In our defense this is all new to our generation of parents. We didn’t have anyone model to us how to teach our kids how to conduct themselves in an appropriate way online because our parents didn’t have to worry about text etiquette, online pitfalls or social media missteps. We are pioneer parents!

In our family we have created a social media contract to set the ground rules for our kids’ social media and online life. Our strategy is if we set a standard it will help our kids understand what is expected of them. It’s a baseline and a good way to get the conversation about social media started with your kids.

Here is our contract. Feel free to use it as a starting place for your own family’s contract or you can download it below.

Our Family’s Social Media and Online Contract

We believe that having a phone and using a computer is a privilege, not a necessity. We have created this contract for you – INSERT YOUR DARLING CHILD’S NAME – to protect and teach you the best and most appropriate way to conduct yourself online and on social media.

Please read these carefully then sign below:

1. Your user name/password for all of your accounts and

devices is —- >>

2. You will not share your password with anyone but your parents.
3. You must ask permission before joining or signing up for a new social media network.
4. You will logoff all screens at 8 p.m.
5. You are responsible for anything you share online. You share it, you said it. Sharing of inappropriate items will result in consequences.
6. You may not have private conversations (direct messages) with anyone you don’t know on any social network or text messaging.
7. No inappropriate language in texts or any other communication.
8. Don’t be mean. Remember it’s never funny to be mean or rude.
9. You will never arrange to meet in person someone you met online.
10. You will tell a parent if anyone threatens you or anyone else online or through messaging.
11. You will not be secretive or deceptive. Don’t lose the trust you’ve earned to use your device.
12. You will reply within a reasonable amount of time to your parent’s texts. Not doing so will result in the loss of your phone/iPad for the equal amount of time you didn’t respond.

Sign below if you understand that any violation of these rules will result in loss of your devices. As a reminder, your phone, computer and tablets belong to us as long as you live with us.

__________________________________________

Child’s signature

__________________________________________

Parent’s signature

Download the contract here: Our_Family_s_Social_Media_and_Online_Contract_d

It’s a fact–girls are starting to “develop” earlier. That’s what we called it in the late ’70s when my girlfriends and I were separated from the boys in our sixth grade class and shown an instructional film on menstruation. We were all given a packet of related goodies, like pads and tampons, and then sent back to our class doing our best to hide the blue packages from the boys.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht6xHX49FHM?feature=oembed&w=500&h=375]

An article in the New York Times outlined a medical study on breast development in girls and pegged the age for a girl to show the first signs of puberty as early as 7 to 8 years old. It was a shocker, showing a big shift to the younger side of girlhood. Even though I read the article last August; I was still caught off guard to see its findings playing out in my  4th grade daughter and her friends’ lives.

Honestly, the issue of puberty still escaped my attention. When your little girl is obsessed with puppies, kitties and horses, you’re not thinking tampons, deodorants and bras. Luckily my mom, who surprisingly (read sarcasm) has been through this already, bought my daughter “The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book For Girls” published by the folks at American Girl.  My daughter absolutely devoured the book and after she finished it (which only took one night behind the closed door in her bedroom), she asked me to sit down with her and read back parts where she had questions. We did.

This book covers it all; pimples, periods and parents. It’s very graphic and detailed, but not overly dramatic or gratuitous. “The Care and Keeping of You” provides basic and practical information for girls on hygiene, healthy eating and even social issues that I hadn’t thought about mentioning, like bulimia, along with good sound advice.  All of this without a whisper about sexuality, which is a subject I want to take the lead as far as teaching my daughter.  She’s still far too young and as a testament to the way “The Care and Keeping of You” is written, the subject never came up.

It probably would be best to go through it yourself to see if it fits your style of parenting. It may be TMI for some, in that case, use it as a guideline for issues that might be coming up in your daughter’s prepubescent head and approach the topics yourself.

From my very, very informal survey, some public schools do offer “Mom and Daughter Teas”  a function where the subject of puberty is served with tea and sandwiches, but it might be a little late (at the end of 5th grade) for some girls.  If you have a younger daughter (say under 6 years old) let this serve as your official heads up from me. Today you’re braiding  your daughter’s hair and watching countless episodes of Dora The Explorers, but someday, in the not-too-distance future, you’ll be standing in the middle of Justice trying to help her decided between a two bras, the one with monkeys or the one with pandas.

 *This article comes from my blog at the Homefront magazine.

When my husband, Tim, and I married one year ago we’d thought, talked and read about the best way to go about “blending” our family: How we would discipline the kids; How we would divide up the chores; How we would show love to our new step kids. It was important to us to be prepared for what we knew was going to be a challenging endeavor – bringing two families together.

When Christmas rolled around things were going pretty well but we realized what we hadn’t thought about was how we would “blend” our Elf On the Shelve elves, Todd and Elfie. I mean, they are elves and as we all know, naturally friendly and playful, but what if they didn’t get along or worse their mischief levels were unequal? What if they didn’t play nice together?

Blended family issues

Needless to say, just like our kids, they seemed to have worked it out – mostly on their own. Not that Tim and I didn’t carry out with all of our pre-wedding plans for blending our family, but we have found the most effective way we have influenced our kids has been through modeling to them good, God-guided behaviors and attitudes.

When you bring two families together under one roof there is going to be some difficulty. Our kids are with us half of their lives and the other half they are with their other parents. Modeling becomes one of the most effective tools in teaching them. Not lists, or discipline or lectures, but showing them God’s love through our actions toward has proven to be the secret ingredient to healthy blended family. This is how we have approached modeling in our home:

Modeling Grace
We show the kids that it’s okay to not be perfect. That through God’s grace and faithfulness we are loved by Him and by our family members – no matter what. This is a powerful thing to learn for a child who has gone through a divorce. We love them and we’re not going anywhere. We want them to be steeped in God’s grace while they’re at our house.

Modeling Fairness
We treat each child equally and set clear rules. Discipline is tough in a blended family house. Tim and I came into our marriage with our own ideas of how to discipline and what are our non-negotiable house rules. For instance, I’m more permissive with snacks and treats (I was okay with my kids having the occasional soda but that was a big “no-no” for Tim) than my husband. But to be fair, we set clear rules for all the kids to abide by. So by modeling fairness we simply apply the rules to each of our kids.

Modeling Respect
We never ever (never!) speak badly about our ex-spouses. Did I say “never?” Tim and I do not badmouth our kids’ other parent. Further, we have told the kids that they can speak truthfully about their feelings toward their parents (including about us), but disrespect is not allowed.

Modeling Patience
I firmly believe you can not teach patience to a child by telling them about it or through reward or punishments. Nope, trying to teach a kid to be patient is like trying to teach the moon to be square. We must show our kids through our own actions how we use self-control and react with gentleness. It’s not always easy – as in hardly ever easy – but by being patient with our own kids and our step kids we are laying the foundation they need to learn patience themselves.

Our kids have faired pretty well using these simple guidelines. Our elves have seemed to have worked things out themselves, too! The first night they were together they engaged in what appeared to be an epic snowball fight on our kitchen table.

With Father’s Day coming Sunday (don’t forget to buy bacon for breakfast), I would like to take this time  to recognize the unsung heroes of fatherhood. The Mike Brady prototype. The stepdad.

I got myself a brand-spankin’-new stepdad when I was 19 years old. My mom married Glenn just as I was taking my first steps into adulthood, so you might think his influence would be negligible, relegated to Sunday afternoon visits and major holidays. It wasn’t.

In fact, over the past 28 years, he has become one of the most important influences in my life. He took an active role – talking to the mechanics when my car broke down, guiding me through major changes in my life, dancing with me at my wedding and, most gratefully, being a fantastic grandfather to my kids.

My sister-in-law and I call my mom and Glenn the “Dynamic Duo” because of their uncanny ability to overlook even the most blatant flaws in their grandkids, their endless pool of energy and their knack for knowing exactly when to hand their sugared-up grandkids back to their parents.

If you have stellar grandparents, you know what a blessing they are, and my mom and Glenn are a blessing. To our kids, there is no “step” granddad; he’s just “Gramps.” And for that, I will be forever grateful for my stepdad.

To all of you stepdads out there, keep fighting the good fight: blowing noses, showing up at baseball games and talking to the mechanic for your stepkids. Maybe the rewards aren’t coming to you today or tomorrow or even when your kids are young, but I’m a prime example of the good and important influence you can have: my life made better, richer, fuller because of the love of my stepdad.

(Me and Glenn my Dad last summer in Nevada. Isn’t he just adorable? Doesn’t he look like someone you would want to be your dad? Why is my hat so enormous?)

My daughter taking a photo on her phone at a fashion show at Irvine Spectrum.

I’m not teaching my kids to follow their dreams.

At least not right now. My kids are 13 and 10 years old, and what I’m teaching them are things like perseverance, the value of hard work, responsibility and charity. Those ideas aren’t splashed across T-Shirts in the juniors’ department of Macy’s, but they certainly are more important and are key components to reaching life-long goals.

My Facebook feed is filled with inspirational quotes telling people that whatever they can put their mind to do, they can do. “If you can dream it, you can do it,” is a quote by Walt Disney that pops up almost daily. With all due respect to Mr. Disney, that is just not true.

Just one episode of American Idol’s audition show debunks the idea that you can do whatever you set your mind to. With all the confidence of a gladiator these kids take the stage, declare they will be the next American Idol, and then proceed to massacre a song by singing it. For heaven’s sakes where are these kids’ parents? Did they not tell them, “My dear son I love you but you can not carry a tune?” It is fun to watch but at the same time I can’t help but feel it is a peek into the pandemic of overconfident kids.

It’s not that I don’t want my kids to be happy and pursue their passions. I just want them to have true confidence that comes from actual achievement.

I work in a profession that is a “dream job” to a lot of young adults. I’m a writer and an editor for a magazine and I work for our county’s largest newspaper. Because of this, around May and June I get many calls from journalism and English soon-to-be graduate students asking about job opportunities. They tell me it’s their dream to be a writer or to work at a newspaper. “Great! When would you like to do your internship?” Without fail many turn down an internship. Why would they work “for free?” After all, they will be college graduates.

Recently, a parent told me proudly that her high school daughter wanted to be a writer. He went on about what a passion she had and what a natural talent she possessed. When I chatted with the obviously intelligent and accomplished young girl she told me it was her dream to write for magazines one day. I told her my best piece of advice was to start her own blog and write every day.

She quickly informed me that she was far too busy to write every day. “That wouldn’t work in my schedule” and that she had a blog already but rarely wrote there. She blew me off as if I was giving her advice on how be a rabbit, not how to achieve exactly what she said she wanted from someone who had success in that field. Her dad backed her up. “You should see her iCal. She’s very active at school,” he said.

Kids need to be equipped with more than a well-developed dream, talent and a parent who believes in them. Those things will only get them so far. I fear we are parenting our kids right out of a successful future. We are at once over parenting and under parenting our kids. We pad them from every possible failure, we do everything for them from chores to their homework, but then we don’t teach them the hard stuff like responsibility and discipline.

It’s not my imagination; I recently heard a jaw-dropping statistic that confirms my fears. One in eight college graduates brings a parent with them on a job interview.

So, these kids land their dream job interview, yet can’t face another adult without their mom or dad. It sounds absurd, but talk to anyone who works with young adults and they won’t be surprised.

My daughter dreams of being a fashion designer one day. Fantastic! We watch Project Runway. I buy her sketchbooks and colored pencils. But my focus with her right now is to teach her to keep her room picked up, complete her homework on time, be kind to her brother and volunteer at church. I believe these simple disciplines will help her achieve her goals (which may change five times before her sixtieth birthday).

I swear I’m not a dream killer. I’ve just seen too many kids crash and burn when they reach adulthood. What keeps me up at night with worry is not whether my son or daughter will “reach their dreams” it’s whether they will be successful, responsible adults in their personal and professional life. My goal as a parent is not to pad their life and cushion them for disappointment, mean people or rejection. It’s to teach them to handle these situations with maturity and grace.

It might seem like an odd declaration from someone like me who is living her own dream of being a working writer. But, if you knew my story, it hasn’t come easy. I worked jobs I hated. I stayed up late night after night to meet deadlines because I was taking care of small children at home all day. I wrote for years without receiving a dime. What I’ve learned is that your true dreams pursue you. Your passion will nip at your heels throughout your life and insist on being fulfilled.

That is what I want for my kids.

From my weekly column in the Orange County Register.

We have a strict no PG-13 movies in our house prior to turing the big 1-3. (Read my column about that here.) Luckily there is no shortage of great movies that are appropriate for younger children. One genre we enjoy the most in our house is sports movies. These have a double dose of goodness because they are great movies and also inspire kids to be more active.

My daughter wanted to surf before seeing Soul Surfer, but after it she was obsessed.   Now she’s in lessons.  In making this list two things came to mind, how many great sports movies there are for kids and how few of them had girls as the athlete. Out of nine, only two feature girls.

My son had zero interest in sports. None. Nada.  I tried and tried to get him to throw the ball around, kick the soccer ball or take swim lessons. You know what persuaded him?  Movies.  The Sandlot to be specific.

This is my list of great sports movies for kids–up to about 19-years-old or so.

1.) The Sandlot: One of my favorite movies. I couldn’t wait until my kids were old enough to watch it. It’s the story of new kid “Scotty Smalls” who doesn’t know how to play baseball until he’s introduced to the sandlot in his new hood and the eight kids who play there. It’s a great movie for boys–lots of harmless and creative name calling, a treehouse,  baseball playing and of course, The Beast.

Be warned there are a few bad words, but nothing too shocking. Made in 1992 and set in 1962, this movie was ROTFL before ROTFL was invented. A must-see for all boys…and my daughter loves it, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QDq-e1GbjE

2.) Miracle: The story the USA Olympic hockey teams unbelievable win against the soviets in the 1980 Olympics. Inspirational, truthful and one of the best lines in coaching history, “Great moments are born from great opportunity.” I loved this movie and so will your kids.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwpTj_Z9v-c?feature=oembed&w=500&h=375]

3.) Kicking and Screaming: What do you get when you make Will Ferrell the coach of a youth soccer team–a pretty funny movie. Your kids will love how outrageous Ferrell gets with his team. There are some classic lines in this movie as well. The one delivered to Mike Ditka is quoted often in our house–“Bye-Bye juicebox!”

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ry1tNGC6npg?feature=oembed&w=500&h=375]

4.) The Might Ducks (series): My kids just watched the entire series of Mighty Ducks movies the last few weeks and like them all. I could hear them while I was in the other room cracking up and having a good time.  Definitely put all three on your summer movie-watching list. (Couple girls on the team, too!)

“Ducks fly together!” Ha, great speech by a coach…

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyVF1glhAfk?feature=oembed&w=500&h=281]

5.) The Next Karate Kid: Not the best in the series, but my daughter liked this movie. It possibly made the list simply because it featured a female athlete. I probably would have put League of Their Own in here (I love that movie), but my daughter couldn’t make it through 1/2 hour of it–too many adults and mature jokes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmDcicyHB0k

6.) Breaking Away: This movie is a personal choice for me. My brother was enormously influenced by this film and still, to this day, rides his bike daily wearing a white tank and bicycle shorts. It’s an older movie–made in 1979 and nominated for an Oscar that year. The movie is about nineteen-year-old who lives in Bloomington Indiana and is obsessed with cycling and all-things Italian. The relationship between his dad and him is classic. One of the best. Well-worth hunting down and watching with your older kids.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1jzs6dk4bs?feature=oembed&w=500&h=375]

7.) Soul Surfer: Have you seen Soul Surfer yet? Bethany Hamilton is my daughter’s hero. I was a little afraid that after we saw the movie, the shark scene would scare my daughter away from surfing, but it didn’t. What is so unique about this movie is how honestly they portray Bethany’s love of the sport of surfing.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWeOjBCi3c4?feature=oembed&w=500&h=281]

If your daughter is interested in Bethany or surfing, in this video she tells her story in her own words. She’s a brave and strong example for our daughters.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duelon0MF2o?feature=oembed&w=500&h=375]

8.) Rudy: Fine. Maybe not for younger kids, but older kids will like the story of a young man struggling to reach his goal of making the Notre Dame football team. There are so many great scenes in there that will teach kids some fantastic lessons. This movie is most famous for making grown men cry like little babies–it’s that good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27D4k3dCXPg

9.) Angels in the Outfield: Everything you want from a kids sports movie: a kid who makes a wish, Christopher Lloyd, a down-and-out sports team and lots of silliness. If you haven’t watched  Angels in the Outfield with your kids, rent it this week, make some popcorn and pop it in. You’ll all love it!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrE9apbs0Pk?feature=oembed&w=500&h=375]