(To see more of my Toonlets click here.)
I have attended my share of meetings. So, I feel totally qualified to identify the “5 Most Prevalent and Exasperating Personality Types.” Everyone fits in to some group, even if it’s just a little.
1.) The “Forever Asserting Their Own Agenda” Meeting Personality.
This is the person who, no matter what the topic is of the meeting or the specific matter being discussed at the moment, has to insert his own agenda; whether it be a gripe, a dig at a particular person, or a blatant grab for accolades. The “Forever Asserting Their Own Agenda” person has mastered the art of the self-serving segue: Which always leads back to their own not-so-hidden message. They try to cover their motives with sappy compliments and shameless kiss-assery.
Phil: I think the IT team has done a fabulous job implementing our changes.
FSOA Person: Yes, and if I had a full team instead of three part-timers, I could do my work just as efficiently as our crack IT team. Well done, Boys!
2.) The “Put Out to Be Here” Meeting Personality.
This is me. There is nothing I like more than to rush into a meeting (because I’m drop dead busy an barely have the time to make it), plop myself down, dramatically sprawling my papers and accouterments all over the table. With a GIANT Starbucks in hand (because I’m drop dead busy and barely have time to sleep or get lunch) I act like the whole meeting is the most boring waste of time ever. Secretly, these people (me) are just happy to be called to a meeting at all. That someone wants their input on even the most minuscule item is a total rush–don’t let the ‘huffs and puffs,’ big exaggerated yawns, and constant checking of their iPhone fool you.
3.) The “Contrarian” Meeting Personality.
This person is hands-down the most annoying meeting personality. They often start their flood of questions with the word “question,” like this, “Question, why do WE have to pay for any of this?” and their favorite expressions include: “Let me play devil’s advocate here,” and “Yes, but on the other side of the coin.”
Argh! These were the people in college that when they raised their hands in class, you heard an audible groan from the rest of the pupils.
4.) The “Thinks He’s Will Ferrel & Sometimes Speaks in a Bad Fake English Accent” Meeting Personality.
From first glance, you might think this person would be the most annoying, but not so (see #3). Even when this person breaks into a reenactment of the latest SNL skit or repeatedly uses the latest catch phrase (Yeah, Baby. Be-Bye. That’s What She Said) or decides to speak in an English, German or Canadian accent sporadically throughout the meeting, they still have their place in a meeting, if not just to give us all someone to bounce our eye rolls off of or to get us all something to drink by playing along, “Be a lovely and go fetch us all a spot of tea, Mate.” Oh, they love that and will do anything if asked in this way.
5.) The “This Meeting is Totally Justified” Meeting Personality.
This is almost always the person who organized the meeting, but sometimes falls on the assistant of the person who called the meeting. They constantly are reminding you they called the meeting, why they called the meeting and how happy they are that there is, thankfully, a meeting and at the end, how useful the meeting has been to everyone involved. The further the distance the attendees had to travel to get to the meeting, the stronger the personality trait.
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Other Friday Fives:
Five ways to use ’80s music to annoy your children and amuse yourself.
Five things my high school boyfriend is doing now if my mom’s predictions came true.
Wow.
Way to call me out on my Will Ferrel impression at the last OC Fam meeting we had. Jeez.
It’s different because I AM FUNNY right?
🙂
My favorite is what I like to call ‘The Ground Hogday’ meeting. This is a meeting set up to discuss a necessary topic only to agree to another meeting at a later date. I awlays leave thinking I must have fallen asleep during the ‘important’ discussion and don’t want to risk looking like an ass by bringing it up that nothing was accomplished. Then when the next meeting rolls around the SAME THING HAPPENS!!!
Than needs an edit. Should be GROUNDHOG DAY. Not clear on what a HOGDAY would be, but maybe it is good.
I’m totally the #2 personality, but sometimes – I’ll admit it – I’m #3. Mostly just for fun though.
p.s. I REALLY like the Hogday thing. We should make that happen.
Thinking I’m most likely a #5. Why you ask? Because yes it was me planning the prom and most high school dances. Yes it was me that planned committee meetings, yes it is me that has sat on more non-profit boards than I can count already… Um… just going to stop there or I might have to plan a meeting to discuss all this with you! 😉
So true! Dang, I’m a #2 and a #3 depending on the day, but I haven’t been to any meetings in awhile… wonder why ; )
This is so funny. I could fit in here or there….but I will never disclose ‘just where.’ 🙂
You are seriously the funniest f*cking girl in the world. This is genius.
I refuse to reveal which one I am. Although, on the other side of the coin . . .
Love it! I see ‘the put out to be here’ a lot at my job and I have to say I think these particular people are genuinely put out to be there. The govn’t forces them to be there, so they come in with giant chips on their shoulders.
I’m a big fan of your lists and I loved this one.
Subset of the Contrarian is the guy who asks some obscure question, laced with technical jargon chosen to showcase his own advanced knowledgeon the topic, that even the meeting facilitator can’t answer. Recent example – at a client’s health insurance open enrollment meeting, the sales rep from the health plan (who is little more than a pretty face who can make fun lunch conversation and produce game tickets upon request) was asked by our Contrarian something about coverage for long-term care and whether impending legislation would cause the carrier to change the plan. I could see the sales guy’s eyes glaze over as he said, “I don’t know the answer to that.” And that’s what Contrarian wanted to hear, because now HE (thought he) looked like the smartest guy in the room.
I need to add the “Why am I here?” person. I often get invited to meetings that don’t apply to me. Weird. My husband gets invited to meetings that don’t apply to him and frequently he’s the one who winds up solving all the problems, lol.
Great. Now I’ll be thinking of this post at every meeting and trying to recognize the personalities, LOL.
I tried to fit in to one of these but none of them ringed any bells. Maybe the meetings I have are too serious.
I can see you there having fun in the meeting with your coffee. The others know now that it´s all a dorky act because they have to read your blog every day!
Another brilliantly funny post.