This is my column in this month’s OC Family out today.
I always wonder how other couples’ relationships work–what they talk about, if they brush their teeth side-by-side in the mirror every morning, how they decide on big-ticket items. It’s the little things couples do in public that make me stare and stand too close, trying to eavesdrop on their conversations.
Like at Trader Joe’s the other day, a couple was standing in front of the boxed fruit. The man was holding a box of Asian Pears and the woman was diligently trying to pry the perfectly square plastic box open (despite the galvanized tape) in order to…touch them, I guess. Calmly, the man used his long (freakishly, btw) index finger to lift the side so she could…yes, yes, she wanted to touch them and when she did, she immediately shook her head and waved them away.
He picked up another box and they began another hushed and passionate conversation about–Asian Pears. I tried to hear what they were saying, pretending I cared deeply about the Clementines sitting next to the pears. But they were enormously secretive and careful not to let the rest of us know what was so flippin’ interesting about–Asian Pears.
Naturally, this made me think about my husband Larry and me. I can’t even imagine having a conversation that long about pears. I remember once having a pretty lengthy conversation about how much we loved cheese, but it was more because we were hungry. We started asking each other outrageous questions like, “If you could make a deal that you never could eat cheese again, but you would then be able to fly, would you?” Seriously, who would make that deal? Like, nobody, but that’s the kind of thing Larry and I talk about.
So you can understand my fascination with this couple at Trader Joe’s. Larry and I had lots of conversations about them. Asian Pears just seems like a very particular and much more sophisticated thing to talk about than cheese. I mean, we would have flown by those pears at breakneck speed and thrown them in our cart (period). No discussion.
It made me wonder if we’re missing out on something. Don’t things like this make you speculate about how different other people’s lives are? Are they happier? Their kids more intelligent? I see couples on weekend mornings who’ve obviously been out with their baby joggers, sipping their lattes, the Times in hand, and I think, “Huh, are we the only ones who wave our children away on weekend mornings, muttering from under our pillows about cartoons and directing them to the special ‘Saturday’ cereal?”
I guess it comes down to perspective–appreciating who I am and what I value. Being able to say to myself, “We’re a couple who sleeps in and gives our children sugary cereal on Saturdays.” And, I suppose, accepting that Larry and I are the type of couple that talks about the couple who talks about the Asian Pears…and being okay with that. Which I most certainly am.
Can’t really speak to the whole marriage thing seeing as how I’m as single as I possibly can be. But if I was married to the obsessing over a pear type, I’d slowly die inside. Haha.
I bet the pear couple haven’t had sex in years.
I’d understand if they were this obsessed over apples, but pears, um, I don’t know…
This happened on our honeymoon, so remember that we were young and (relatively) innocent. We were sitting on the lawn at Maritime Park in San Francisco, eating sourdough bread and cheese, and drinking 7-Up. We had decided that bread and cheese required 7-Up instead of Coca-Cola. White instead of “red.”
Now we mostly spend our time discussing Asian Pears, though.
That’s kind of like when I used to read Sunset mag and think, “These people have way more time than I do. They must live in a parallel universe.” A discussion re Asian pears between my husband and I would be a glance and a grunt, up or down.
We talk about chin and nose hair at my house!
If I’m going to go crazy over a stinkin’ pear, it’s going to be one of those ridiculously expensive ones at Harry & David. And my husband could not care less.
…classic Suz awesomeness.
I wonder similar things … how functional/dysfunctional is my family compared to others? Do other parents say similar nonsensical stuff to their kids at home? Am I the only weirdo that torments the kids with random songs and dances? How much housework do I do compared to other guys? and, I would totally trade cheese to fly. Oh, and aren’t Asian pears the ones with those little doilee (sp?) things around them? Maybe they were discussing the reason for them, or how to decorate the house with them.
My husband and I love to people watch. It’s something we’ve always done together, even back when we were just friends. And we have discussions about silly little things all the time. I could actually see having an intense discussion about asian pears if they came in a box. I don’t trust fruit I haven’t tested myself for ripeness, color, etc. Maybe the husband was wondering why the Bartletts just wouldn’t do. Or why they were buying pears in a box. I generally find the quieter the discussion, the more likely it is the couple is having a disagreement on something.
My new favorite word is “perspective”. You are stretching mine and I thank you for that. I’m taking my husband to Trader Joe’s this weekend! 🙂
See, it’s the things like this I miss about you Suz… 🙂
You don’t wanna know. Seriously.
I grocery shop at WalMart for the family every Sunday and almost always find myself indulging in other peoples behavior. I call it my WalMart experience, no really! Sometimes I even intervene and offer help or suggesting products and end up talking for minutes. I do that unconsciously without thinking about what I’m doing, but reading this post brought it all into perspective, I enjoy it and intermingling in a stranger’s life for a brief interlude about not much at all, just life as it is at that moment. I know this post is about marriage and what makes it work and fulfilling and of course, who you are, but still, I think who you are makes up your own personal happiness. Thanks and to think I just stumbled across your blog because of my nieces typo. Alive instead of Alice. 😛
You look great, Suzanne! (photo in pink!)
This post was hilarious! Me and Mister Valentine talk about other couples who we hear talking, too. I see people out and about like that, too – lattes, perfectly quiet baby in perfectly organic/hip three wheeler jogging stroller and my two are yelling at me and grabbing food off the shelf (or hitting people as they walk by). I always wonder “who are you people? and how do you get anywhere that posh-like at this time of day?”
Asian pears – that’s too funny!
I Love those pears! They look so nice and cool! Asian pears huh, that’s pretty cool! How’s Emily!? I really like those pears seriously!
It’s really really really really really really cool!!!
I don’t know. Either they’re really pathetic or very smart about making their relationship work.
You can select an asian pear without touching it. And…. I love Asian Pears, but I would definitely choose to fly over eating an Asian Pear…. and…. in fact, I would choose to fly over any of my favorite foods!
We have whiled away many an hour at Casa de Envy discussing possible ways to morph cheese, dark chocolate and wine into one super-food that could take over the world!!!
What are Asian Pears;)
You are so funny Suz. And clever. And you only give your kids sugary cereal on the weekend? *blink*blink*
We have very indepth conversations about why people have bumper stickers on their cars. Or why some people are so oblivious to our awesomeness.
Pears? Never. But we do love clementines and we discuss how many a day we eat!
Since I have an unhealthy obsession with produce, I *almost* understand the pear incident. I keep my sickness on the down-low, especially if my husband and I are shopping together. I’ll write about it on the Internet, but it’s understood that I will not fondle pears or inhale bouquets of cilantro in public.
AND — thank you for pointing out that there are other families who sleep in and feed their kids Sugar Bombs on the weekends.
I laughed at Joe’s comment about ‘how they haven’t had sex in years.’ I think I agree with him.
And the jogging with their strollers at 7:02 am sipping lattes parents? Suckers.
Those people who are jogging at 7am with their lattes used to be East Coasters–it’s really 10am in their internal clock.
It’s the only explanation.
Me, I adjust to new time zones maddingly easy–I swore I would stick to EST when I moved, get up early and work out…ah, nope. Just didn’t take.
Special Saturday cereal? Brilliant! I am totally stealing that idea.