Peet’s Coffee is not only has my favorite coffee, it’s the closest coffee place to my house. Just a quick walk and I can be sipping my au lait within five minutes of leaving my front door. But I’m back on Starbucks. The reason is as simple as it is pathetic: I can’t get my coffee from a barista who doesn’t laugh at my jokes. Sorry.
I have tried all my best stuff on the tall, David Byrne-vibed, middle-aged barista at Peet’s:
My: “I think I want something naughty” (in English Accent) as I tap my fingers together.
My: “I’m going to tell you I don’t want whipped cream and then you’re going to know that means I want whipped cream, Okay? And then when you hand me my coffee with whipped cream I’m going to be all ‘I said NO whipped cream!’ and you’re going to be all ‘I’m sorry’ and then I’m going to say ‘You might as well keep it there now’ and you’re going to shrug in shame, okay?” Always gets a laugh out of every barista.
But this guy? Nothing. It’s like I’m reading him the phone book. So I stopped going there.
Anyways, here’s my question: Do you use a fake name at Starbucks? What is it? IF you don’t have one, please adopt one NOW! It will give you unimaginable (and patently immature) entertainment.
I always use Suzie….and if they spell it wrong, I ALWAYS point it out. Even though it’s not really my name.
*****
Over at OC Family I tell another Starbucks story. The one where I act like I’ve never stepped foot in a Starbucks in my life:
My Starbucks name is Andy, but only at Starbucks. At Peet’s it is always, ALWAYS Andrea, you know a little more classy, just like Peet’s.
I am fat free venti. So boring.
Nope. No fake names. It never occurred to me actually. I should probably go with a fake name though since they always spell my real name incorrectly. I tend to get some version of Elena. And occasionally Alana.
You’re one of the funniest people I have ever met. You just think in a funny way, and that’s meant to be a high compliment, even if it sounds lame. And I’m going to go to Starbucks with you at Christmas and order something obnoxious and you can pick my name, ‘kay? ; )
You are too much! I never thought of using a first name. However, I also don’t go to Starbucks too much. I’m sure we’ll be making many stops there on our road trip so I’ll have to remember to do that and report back to you. 🙂
You have a name at Starbucks? Must be a So Cal thing, not happenin’ en la Florida.
I think I’ll have to use fake names from now on. Only I might not remember what name I gave them and then they’ll be calling my fake name and I’ll just be sitting there and someone else will have to tell me to get my freakin’ skinny vanilla latte out of the window for peets sake. Or for starbucks sake. Or whatever. But I’ll do it for you. I’ll lie for you.
Ha, you don’t need to come up with a fake name, they’ll do it for you. They never hear names correctly. Remember Jen turned into Jasmine? At first I was annoyed, but then I realized I kinda liked my new starbucks stage name or better yet a Disney princess. 😉
My brother used to always use a fake name at restaurants. So I decided I’d try it, being very cool with a almost new BF, meeting his parents and my parents at a restaurant. So BF and I are late and parents are not and of course no reservations under either name -beause I used a fake name…. and then I had to explain it , and it sounded very stupid and I never used a fake name again. the end.
This made me laugh out loud. wait, you always make me laugh out loud. loved this. will have to try it tomorrow!
My name is unusual enough it doesn’t need to be fake. Besides at the drive-through they don’t ask your name, heh. I can’t remember the last time I actually went into a Starbucks. Back when we were just dating, John and I used to walk over to the one in the Orange Plaza and he’d order under Oprah or Gene Hackman. We once made a reservation at Ruth’s Criss for Gene Hackman, party of 3, then when we got there we told them Mr Hackman wasn’t coming after all. LOL
I always say Sam. I even use Sam at restaurants and stuff now. It’s easier to spell than Roxanne.
BS (Before Sam) I changed it up – Linda was a favorite, Misty, Lucy, Ronald – but that got difficult because sometimes I wouldn’t remember what name I had used. lol 😉
I don’t frequent coffee places, but at restaurants I used to enter my name as “Cornelius”. I still do sometimes for old times’ sake.
Lol, that’s a hilarious post. I don’t really like the taste of coffee! I know, odd, right? =) But I DO love the smell.
My Starbucks name is always Heidi like me, Heidi. But they often pronounce it Hay-dee. I HATE that. Hello? Who has not heard of Heidi or read the book Heidi??
You’re hysterical…switching coffee places…I’m going to have to try out the name thing…like Rain or Willow or Feather or something equally as hippie.
this cracks me up. a secret double life. one day the starbucks guy who has served you coffee a billion times is going to attend your funeral only to find out your name isn’t really suzie. how heart broken he will be. haha.
my name IS susie and they ALWAYS spell it wrong. even when i spell it for them. guess their forte is coffee, not spelling. whatever works.
I try my hardest to get them to spell my name correctly. I even spell it for them. They NEVER get it right. Worst one was last week. Lorla! Is that even a name? Apparently it is, I just googled it!
I prefer Coffee Bean. But if I have to give a name I sometimes use Van Dyke. It makes for good conversation.
thats educational. im so slow, i went to a local coffee for a little over a year and I didnt know what was wrong. now i know.
not like im the epitome of funny, but i tried my damndest(sp?)to no avail. We are the funny people. dont ever forget it please. I love you. please stay funny thank you.
oh. by the way. I own a white van. lol. ya.
LOL…I loved this post from the first moment I read it (yeah, I re-read your posts sometimes, LOL.) I even had to share your story with the hubby. He laughed at your joke! 😀
I think this discussion is so interesting! Names are my thing and I have talked to people all over the country about their names. You’d be surprised how many people don’t like their names, but they’re afraid to change it. I think it’s wonderful that people experiment with a different name at Starbucks. Who knows, they might end up liking it enough to make it a little more permanent. Thanks for your thought-provoking post.
Marly