No man likes his wife to boss him around. Period. They hate that. Don’t do it. In public it’s brutal to watch, and in the privacy of your home it’s just counterproductive.
A husband will instinctually tune out the rest of any sentence starting with “Today, will you…” Your normal guy would rather stare hard and long at the sun than look over that “to do” list you’ve thoughtfully put together, no matter how cute the stationery. This is hardwired in them and is no fault of their own.
But stuff has to get done, right? To help remedy the situation, I have come up with a clever way of getting your requests “out there” without one tear shed. The only catch, it only works if you have kids–possibly a dog–but most effectively with kids.
This is what I do, let’s say it’s Saturday morning and I have a list as long as the guitar solo in Free bird. I sit the kids down, with Larry in earshot, and I tell THE KIDS what we are going to be doing that day.
“Today kids, we are going to Target to get lightbulbs to replace the burned out ones in the bathroom, and then we’re going to clean up the garage and next…blah blah blah.” You get the idea. The kids are Sweden. They’re neutral ground. As long as they hear the word “Icee” in there somewhere, they’re golden and now your plan has been firmly placed in the day’s activities.
Three rules when executing this strategy:
- Never make direct eye contact with your husband the entire time you are talking. Bossy is a primal assailant to the masculine ego and can be sensed easy by just a glance.
- Be precise with your words, and your voice should be a little louder than usual, but breezy. Like you’re ordering into a takeout window.
- Never mention “daddy” by name in the whole line of events. It’s “we.”
After you’re done, make bacon. Heat up the skillet and fry up a whole pack of bacon. I am not really sure why this helps, some sort of counterbalance. The aroma must kill any hint of tyranny that might still be lingering in the room after your little speech.
Now that I think of it, this is more a tip than a confession. You’re welcome. I should be some sort of freggin marriage counselor or something.
For Confessions 1-10 click HERE. The other confessions are less helpful and way more embarrassing than this one.
Stumbled across your blog and wanted to say hi!
Those were good advices but I rather not have bacon. Kids are Sweden:) HAH HAA!
I love it, and the bacon tip I know will work on my husband. I usually make a big breakfast and then start to “to do list”, he is so happy to have a hot breakfast he is almost will to listen to me.
Have you been peeking into my windows on Saturday mornings?
This is a great plan…I love it.
I can get nearly anything I want with bacon.
pretty simple people, those Men. 🙂
Bacon can fix anything. Nice technique.
Well, bacon has been my secret wepon to a happy marriage, that and Tater-tot casserole.
“longer than the guitar solo in Free Bird!!!!” That one got me!!!!!
Let’s Go Ducks!
You got it!
This is great.
I have never thought of using bacon in such a way. I wonder what a little dab of grease behind the ear will do. I’m going to give your technique a try. Thanks.
Since I’m not married, I’ll have to store this one in my memory banks to pull out and use someday. 🙂 Very funny!
I doubt this will work with Chelsi & Zoe… Can I borrow your kids? 🙂
I have to back you up on this one, it totally works. Once I tell my 3 year old we’re going somewhere, we’d better go or they’ll be a meltdown. And my husband loves bacon, so that’s always a great bribe. 🙂
I WOULD rather stare at the sun than a “to do list” even though it says “Honey do-list” and has a picture OF a honeydew on it I still hate it! wow.
Well…yeah…you COULD do all that. Ooooor…you could just have sex. Then he’s all yours for at least 15 hours. Whatever you want done? Just name it! LOL
Oooh good one!
I do have to say my hubbie is a handy-man here around the house but bacon always warms his heart and makes everything better…
🙂
Love it!!
I can’t wait to read the other confessions!
I can give my Hubby a To Do list a mile long… the only catch… I’m naked when I hand it to him.
I’m not joking.
Awesome. i dont have kids though so ill try it on my dogs and report back. 😀
I have done this.
And the bacon…what is it about bacon? My husband and his friends actually hold bonfires where they fry up bacon – tons and tons of bacon – over the fire. Just hanging out eating bacon…it’s weird, right?
Great post!
Haha. Thanks for the bacon tip! I stopped making it by the pound when the boys moved out. Hubby and I were eating a whole package by ourselves. Gasp! Yeah, I know. Buy the half pound, right?
Good post, Suzanne!
Hello there! Another awesome post from you, as always! 😀
Hey, any chance you’ll be in Disneyland today or tomorrow?
Thanks for the hot tip – I will try this! I have used the Slurpee weapon for the kids with much success.
I want Andrea’s tater tot casserole recipe!! That sounds yummy, especially with bacon.
Darn, it all sounded good until you got to the bacon part. (Vegetarian.) Maybe Yankee Candle company will come out with a bacon candle.
Bacon hooks my man every time:)
I used to be able to bribe my daughter with Slurpees. We progressed to manis, and have now reached the Tiffany’s stage….I can’t afford to use “Sweden” too often!!! Bwahahaha!
LOL! That “free bird” line got me good! You’re right, no guy like the “to do” list–handyman, my a**. Every guy would rather watch Twilight Zone reruns than fix a toilet.
hahaha, very funny! Bacon is like the magic meat! The other morning I was making bacon for breakfast and my husband came into the kitchen, rubbed my back and asked if there was anything he could do for me today? Amazing I tell you! We will be having bacon every morning, thank you very much!
Love the bacon part. It’s so crazy, it just might work!
LOL…yep, bacon will bring a man to his knees! I made a plate last weekend and was profusely thanked. You may be onto to something here. 😉
My husband is a health nut, although he loves bacon. I’ve made it twice, maybe three times in our whole 14 years together?
And sex would just make him sleep all day.
I’ll have to come up with a customized lure, but this was brilliant, Suz. : )
Well well so that is how “you” get things done. I find that leaving a little “love” note, along with a honey bear and something to give the implication of it paying off later in the evening when the kids are all tucked in and sleeping works mighty fine….plus you are killing two birds with one stone.
That is hilarious. We should all send you a $10 tip to contribute to your bacon money, before going out to buy our own. This approach could have saved me lots of frustration Friday in the “man department” as we scrambled to get out of town following what was two stressful weeks, and a morning that consisted mainly of NOT HAVING EATEN ANY BREAKFAST. Moral of the story, as stated directly from noneother than MY COUNSELOR: “Heather what have I told you about feeding your guy in the morning?!”
Bacon it is.
awesome! i think i’ll try your game plan today!
Bacon is the key.
I needed this advice when I was married! Oh, I forgot.. wouldn’t have worked since I don’t have kids. Maybe I could have discussed these points with our dog!