I’m eight years into this parenting thing, which is far enough along to develop a few”tricks” to help me get through the squimishes and mind-numbing monotony that come with your mommy badge.
I think every mom has these little tools. They are like little idiosyncratic things I do to keep myself from boarding the crazy train everyday around 5 pm. They are inside jokes, really inside, like just to myself.
Because I’m an eighties music connoisseur, or “geek” as some people might see it, mine revolves around lyrics from all the songs I listened to long before I knew what a Diaper Genie was, could recite the book “Red Fish Blue Fish” by heart or catch a stray spitwad midair before it hits an innocent bystander. You know, pre-kid.
Five ways to use ’80s music lyrics to annoy your kids and entertain yourself
1.) “Look at that! YOUR KISS IS ON MY LIST!”
“Kiss on My List” by Hall & Oats: You must say this to your kid every time you have a list in your hand to produce the gratifying eye-roll or treasured “MOM!”
2.) “Listen Mister, YOU’RE LIVING IN YOUR OWN PRIVATE IDAHO if you think you’re getting a special treat now!”
Private Idaho by The B-52s: Nothing like a little B-52’s to cheer your day and really get under your kids’ skin.
3.) “FRANKLY MR. SHANKLY, I don’t care what your friends are doing, you’re not going.”
Frankly Mr. Shankly by The Smiths: Actually, Morrissey provides a plethora of quotable irritating lines. Signing the lyrics of “HEAVEN KNOWS I’M MISERABLE NOW,” while following your pouting kid around the house is an advanced move, but it works wonders.
4.) This is best used in a team effort with other adult.
“Ben, didn’t want to say ‘hi’ to his teacher. He was TOO SHY SHY.”
Other adult, “Hush Hush.”
In unison “EYE TO EYE. TOO SHY SHY. HUSH HUSH. EYE TO EYE…“
Too Shy by Kajagoogoo: Keep signing until they beg you to stop. Both our kids are very outgoing and friendly now.
5.) “YOU CAN CRY IF YOU WANT TO,” or “YOU CAN ARGUE IF YOU WANT TO,” this one can be tailored to anything your kid is doing that is bothering you. I like to make up my own words for the whole verse, like this,
“YOU CAN WHINE IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN KISS YOUR PRIVILEGES GOODBYE, BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS DON’T WHINE, AND IF THEY DON’T WHINE THEN THEY GET ALL THEIR DS TIME.”
Men Without Hats Safety Dance: Accompanied by the hand movements, this is wickedly annoying to kids.
Other Friday Fives:
Five personal advantages to the financial crisis.
Five things I did last night to avoid working.
(I couldn’t get these videos to center on the post. Argh!)
I can’t wait to get home and listen to all of these. “Cuz I only recognize the names of half of them 🙂
Oh so funny! I don’t know any Morrissey or Smiths, but I knew the others. I had never thought of this idea. BRILLIANT! The girls are already annoyed by my musical predilections. Lately I launch into the background vocals from Lindsey Buckingham’s “Holiday Road” to annoy them. Try it; it works.
First, thanks a lot for the Kiss on my List head stick. I’ll have to use some of these, though right now Melody might think the Safety Dance is fun. My hubs is actually a Men Without Hats connoisseur…now that’s scary!
Since I don’t have kids, well, I’ll have to save this advice for later. I would think 80’s movies might work in much the same way. I have a whole slew of movie lines from the 80’s that would probably be annoying too. 🙂
And I’m not too proud to admit that I actually listen to a Hall & Oates greatest hits CD.
I love this Suz!!! All your songs are perfect, but I constantly find myself in the kitchen telling them to “Just Beat it”….
Have a great weekend!
Too Shy is a favorite! Sadly enough, when I would listen to it back in the day, I didn’t really know what the words were, but I sang along any way. Ha!
FUN! Let me warn you though: The older they get, the more dramatic the eye rolls, and when they get to middle school, there will be, oh, 9 months to a year where they roll their eyes so hard that they pop out of their sockets and bounce through the kitchen, which will then be followed by at least 2 years (we’re still counting) of them alternately ignoring you altogether, or looking you square in the face and saying, “STOP. MOM. STOP.”
I’m famous for quoting Talking Heads songs, mostly… and they loathe it when I say “If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding…” But do I stop? Oh, no.
The safety dance was indeed dorky as hell. Never seen that one before. The best one is still Kajagoogoo. That chorus is so catchy and I can picture the duet. That video was so awful that it became almost good. The haircuts, electronic drums, old videotape twitches, thumb bass…it would be too cruel to expose any small villain to that video!
Thank you for this post. You have just saved my sanity. We are moving in a week and whilst my 3 year old thinks he is “helping” me, he’s really just driving me to lunch time drinking. As I put a lovely, breakable item in to a box, he is taking a family heirloom out of another one…or wrapping masking tape around his infant brother (“look mom, I packed Miles!”). Today I was saved by a long forgotten easter craft but tomorrow…oh, tomorrow…project ‘annoy kids’ will be in full effect. Not only will I sing some 80’s tunes and like, totally enjoy it, but I will also ask him “Why?” after everything he says and laugh maniacally on the inside…
Ok I LOVE the lyrics, “You can whine if you want to.. cause your friends don’t whine and if they don’t whine, they get all their DS time.” Brilliant, Suz. Especially since I took all of my son’s DS time today and probably tomorrow, too.
OMG!!! Love these! Safety Dance…will be singing that all day long;)
Fabulous list!! I loved “Too shy shy”! I mean, loved it.
Man, you’re good….
Funny stuff, especially the Safety Dance improv. I serenaded my asthmatic daughter with Toy Dolls the other day.
This is awesome! The other night, my wife said “Believe it or not…” and I started singing the song. The kids didn’t believe it was an actual song so I downloaded it onto my IPhone. They thought I was crazy. Guess I showed them who’s boss!
BTW…you & I are definitely products of our generation…
LOL. Number 5. The best.
What a nice blog you have..thanks for all this information.
80’s will be unforgettable for the people of my generation who had the honor to live in them, I love this blog thanks for sharing the theme.
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