TRUE! How very, very annoyed I was with that inane toy. My best friend pawned it off on my young daughter, Emily. The instant the toy made my daughter laugh, she said, "Why don't you take it home with you, Em!" Then hastily shoved the toy in the diaper bag to make sure we took it home with us.
It is impossible to say how much that toy's music and repeating rhymes got into my head and tortured me. When it was turned off and I slept, I heard it. I love my daughter so much and wanted her to be happy, but sheesh, that toy! It wasn't her playing with the toy that drove me nuts. I brings me great joy to watch her have fun. It was that one EVIL phrase "Wee Willy Winkie" that she would make it say–by hitting the button again and again–that made me decide, I had to put an end to the life of that toy. It had to die.
Now this is the point where you might say that I'm the meanest mom ever. How could I take away something that meant so much to my daughter. But this is where you will see I'm not so dastardly, I'm quite smart. I had a plan and I would take Emily to Build-a-Bear to make up for it later.
On the eighth night she had that vile toy, I snuck into her room while she was asleep and took her toy. I slipped it into a Glad trash bag. But then it went off suddenly, "Wee Willy Winkie." I froze. "Mommy?" she said sweetly. I didn't answer. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity I felt satisfied she was asleep again and crawled out of the room.
I quickly got to work taking apart the toy. "Wee Willy Winkie" it shouted for the last time–and I smirked back at it. First I took out the batteries and then disassembled the plastic pages that lay on top, and then plucked out a few keys on its keyboard. I put it all back into the Glad trash bag and put it in the garbage under a crumpled milk carton and cereal box.
When I was done with the business of murdering the toy, it was time for bed. When I woke up in the morning I felt refreshed and hopeful, not a hint of guilt haunted me when I made my way downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast for my kids.
I smiled as they took their seats at the kitchen table. I filled their cups and spread butter on their waffles and chatted happily. But, then I heard it, very, very quiet at first, "Wee Willy Winkie." No, I said to myself, just leftover echos of that dreadful toy–it must still be ringing in my ears. "Would you two like more juice?" I breezed and tried to push it from my mind.
"Mommy, is dat my toy?" my daughter asked as she walked toward the trash compactor. "No, your toy is up in your room somewhere." I said, feeling less confident and a little shaky. "We can go look for it later."
We all sat back down to finish breakfast when I heard it again. "Wee Willy Winkie." This time louder. But it seemed my kids heard nothing. "Wee Willy Winkie" it blasted again through the white steel of the trash compactor. "Wee Willy Winkie!" Oh. My. Gosh! But how could it be? I killed it. It has no batteries! I took off the pages! I smirked at it! "Wee Willy Winkie!" It blared!
Finally, I bounded from my chair, pressed down on the foot lever to release the compactor. I dug into the garbage and let loose some choice words directed at the sealed bag. It grew–louder–louder–louder! "Wee Willy Winkie!" But the kids just kept eating their waffles and watching "The Wiggles." But it kept getting louder and louder…
"FINE!" I screamed. "I stole your stupid toy and disassembled it! I admit it, okay!" I motioned to the trash compactor. "Look in the garbage! Here! It is the toy that says that hideous phrase "Wee Willy Winkie!"
★★★★★★
If this story sounds familiar to you: A, you paid attention in your high school English class and B, you are far too smart to be reading this blog. It's loosely based on Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart."
Yes, I did pay attention in English class. I am smart enough TO read this blog. I am SOOOOO guilty of the same thing, BUT I was smart enough to REMOVE the evidence from the interior of the house. LOL
I told MPM that I have a little crush on you…won’t you PLEASE come to VA in July?
Everytime I try to get rid of any of Little T’s toys he always asks for them. Once I donated a bunch of them to our church yardsale and wound up buying them back. Oh the tears! I have finaly started boxing them up and keeping them in the barn. When do they grow out of this stuff??
Bought it. Hook line and sinker.
This was great, Suz! You should have been an actress, but lucky for all of us you’re a writer instead. : )
Just be glad you hadn’t read Crime and Punishment first, because floorboards are a whole lot harder to rip through than garbage when you’re in a hurry. More expensive, too.
And that is the extent of my classic Russian literature.
Well see technically I was my HS English teacher and I rarely, if ever, pay attention to what I say as I bore myself. However, I did notice the connection there. And I love this! Love the part where you wait in her room until she’s sleeping again. Very cute. Nice job!
This blew my mind!
Suz, very nice.
Ha! I loved English class…but I must have fell asleep during this lesson!!!
I knew you could not be that dastardly!!!
HA! My friend took my boys to a thrift store, where they ‘found’ some of their old stuff I had donated. My friend bought it all back for the guys. Still thinking on how to get her back.
and sanity returns! I totally understand your pain! All of our friends who have kids tend to leave the “irritating” toys at our house for babysitting time. Nice!
You should have said “Friend” when talking about your friend who gave you that toy. Very clever way to tell a story suz.
Too funny! And I think we’ve all been there once or twice…Edgar Allan Poe in Wonderland!
Though I recognized it as a spoof on Poe immediately, I think as moms, we’ve all had something similar happen to us when it comes to annoying toys that just won’t die. Your post gave me a laugh.
When I threw out one of my daughter’s toys, it fell out of a hole in the garbage back on garbage day and was left on the front lawn. Sigh. Now I have an older daughter (Age 16) who takes wire cutters and removes the guts of annoying toys when little sisters aren’t looking. LOL
That toy was haunting you! I have thrown away many a toy when they’re at school or outside or at a friend’s like those McDonald’s toys…I give them a week and they get chucked.
I had an ugly candle that was given to me as a wedding present and I attempted to throw that out over and over again and it kept resurfacing. My husband was pulling it out of the garbage to torment me. I hated that candle. I think it’s gone for good now…I hope.
I didn’t know it, Suz, but I get an excuse !
Really funny.
Dang! I thought you were going to give me the opportunity to share my vast literary knowledge. Still, it’s a good story, because my nieces and nephews have toys like that. And when they descend on a non-kid house sometimes those little repeating sounds get a little old, really quickly…I’m admitting nothing!!!
I’m liking the dark side of Suz.
LOVE this!! I’m a BIG fan of Poe! He lived in VA for a time…..
oh noooo that’s sorta funny, I’ve had stuff like that happen except it was a battery powered soft toy Ernie from sesame street and every time the batteries started running out it would start snoring even in the middle of the night.
Suz, HOW could you be that intolerant. My precious grandchildren could be traumatized for life. Ugh !
Well, thinking back — I (possibly) did something like that about 35 years ago — OMG maybe you never got over it. Parents, could there be a lesson here. Poe never woulda dreamed his work would be so warped.