Suzanne Moshenko

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When things aren’t just things

By: 12 Comments

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Emily's room

I think the hardest lessons to teach our kids are the ones we haven't quite learned ourselves.
This became plain to me when I pitched a fit over all the THINGS my kids had and announced that after Christmas we were going to give a painful amount of their things away. They cried at the thought and started to frantically list all the items they didn't want included on the give away list.
Their rooms, closets, drawers, and even pockets are filled with stuff. 

Too much clutter makes me anxious and I started to feel guilty that my kids have so much, when so many kids in the world have so little. "They're just things," I assured them. "They don't matter that much."
My husband and I tell our kids all the time, "Some kids don't have anything." And try as they might, this concept is just too hard for our Irvine-raised kids to fully understand. 

We sponsor children in Africa and read their letters to our kids. We donate to families in need living in Orange County. And yes, it makes them sad to think of a little girl who doesn't have even one doll, but do they really get it? Charity is a hard concept for a child, it doesn't seem to come to them naturally. 

Fueled by the guilt and an urge to tidy up, I started to put my urge to purge into action. When my daughter, Em, was at her grandma's house, I tackle the insane amount of stuff that filled her room. I gleefully tossed broken fast food toys, dried up pens, and books half chewed-up by the dog without a thought. I happily stuffed bags with shoes, pjs, and Polly Pockets for the Goodwill with ease. But then I got to the harder things–the stuffed animals. 

My seven-year-old daughter's stuffed animals are like her children. She's grown up with some of them. They have come on vacation with us, comforted her in the ER, and accompanied her on her first day of school. How can I give any of them away? With the exception of Webkinz– which hold zero sentimental value with me–I'm attached to nearly all of my daughter's stuffed animals. 

How can I give away Sad Molly, named because of her sad smile? Or Bark Dog? Or Baby Bark Dog? Not Madonna! Certainly not Jewel, named after her favorite musician. Her Aunt Jana gave her Chili, and her Grandma, Bella Bunny. Poodlina just stared at me with those big, black plastic eyes as if pleading me not to pick her and shove her into the bag. How can I? 

I remember Em wrapping her in my son's receiving blanket to "practice having a little brother." **sniff**sniff**
Should I keep them all? With all the lecturing about kids who are less fortunate than us and about how stuff isn't the most important thing in life, I'm holding on tightly to these things–to stuff. The very thing I just ranted on about right before Christmas I'm clinging on to today. 

 guess I haven't learned my own lesson because I neatly lined-up her entire crew on her bed and they are now waiting patiently for her to get home. I suppose sometimes things aren't just things.
Other random things from me:


Comments

  1. 1

    You hit the nail on the head my dear…..SOME things aren’t “Just” things:) The rest? Trash ’em!!!
    I have a collection of little notes that my daughter scribbled and left for me (and the Tooth Fairy, and Santa) when she was very young. Each one is illustrated in some fashion or another. They are priceless, and I would NEVER consider tossing them out:)

  4. 4

    I think we are often up at the same time. I couldn’t sleep and wandered on over here. Hi! You’re back!
    Great story! I laughed at the bit about the McDonald’s toys. I am forever throwing those things out. Some things are worth throwing out and giving away. I completely agree – sometimes it is all too much and I can’t stand clutter either along with all the anxiety it brings. I don’t function well in it and wholeheartedly believe my kids can’t either. (I don’t know if that’s true or not, but for now I’m going with it) But, there are some things like the stuffed animals I couldn’t bear to part with either. I would have done the same thing. Oh, and I love, love the stuffys’ names!

  5. 5

    Great article! I don’t have kids (just yet) but I completely understand. I’m in my 30’s and my mother still has a bear of mine from when I was a kid. It’s a large polar bear that had a zipper in the back. A place to hide my pj’s…it was awesome. I have so many memories attached to that thing and its great to still hold onto it.
    Maybe you can install a shelf above her bed so that all her stuff animals can have a place in her room without creating clutter.

  8. 8

    Great article, and so true. I love that you write for the Orange County Register. It makes me feel like I’m friends with someone famous.

  10. 10

    You get a beautiful soul, Suz. Of course, our children get too many stuffs and they’re not aware of it. They, maybe, don’t get the principle of “Giving”, NOW. But, I think it’s a a process that bears fruits later. As you give them a good example in their life, older, they’ll think about others as well. That’s an education. A long education to become a worth person. May they won’t become as generous as you are but at least they’ll become more generous than people who haven’t had your example.
    It’s hard to give sometimes, because we’re attached to things. But that’s what gives value to our gift. Giving without feeling a loss, is not really giving. What a wonderful comfortw that we’ve done the right thing.

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