I am working on my first feature for the Orange County Register. As you may (or may not) have noticed, I have kissed my column good-bye in order to spend more time with my blog and concentrate on writing my treatment for a sitcom….which is based on my column…which is all now super confusing, even to me.
When I left I told my weeping editor I would send in some ideas for features. As he wiped away his tears he whispered hopefully, “promise?” What can I say, I hate to see grown men cry, so I submitted a story on The OC Roller Girls.
These are the girls you wish you could have been in high school. Not the cheerleaders, not the yearbook editor…scratch this part, that’s not right, but the ones who were righteously cool and downright rebellious at the thought of conformity. Chrissie Hynde 1981 kind of cool.
I love these girls. But, with names like Dirty Deborah Harry, Hurt in a Skirt, and Cupcake Von Rotten I’m a little scared they might sense my lifetime fear of tough, coordinated, self-confident girls and tease me out of habit and obligation.
In case anyone asks, I am trying to think of a roller derby name for myself, here is what I’ve come up with so far: Weak Ankles Suzie, Dorothy Parker’s Wrath on Wheels (wearing my glasses, of course), Suzie Cries A-lot, or Bad Daft Kitty. I’m still mulling it around.
Please feel free to offer your suggestions. Just remember, I don’t want to encourage painful interaction toward me in the ring.
I’m headed out tomorrow night to their scrimmage with my tape recorder, a sensible pair of shoes, and a pocketful of admiration.
If you’re up to it, break out your tube socks and fishnets and come out to their bout against the LA Derby Dolls on Sat. Sept. 27th, Click here for tickets.
Stay tuned.
Oh, good, I’m the first one. Though I am fond of “Bad Daft Kitty” and “Weak Ankle Suzie” I would like to suggest “Kingpin Slamming Mamma” or “Suzie the Fluzy” But your husband probably won’t like the last one.
Oh I am so jealous…I want to go. My name would be Mental P Mama, and I think you should go with Dorothy Parker. I’m just saying.
suzanne, you can do the tuff! how about Slappin’ Suzette? then you get to use your dream name too!
I can’t wait to read your story. I vote for Bad Draft Kitty. MEOW! You could wear a tail and dare anyone to touch it.
I’d go with “The Rabid Bunny” (given the amount of bunnies fake and real around the Broughton Estate.) Then there is the obvious: “The Bossy Blogger” or maybe “Bossy Mama”
But perhaps my mega favorite is:
“Deadpan Suzanne”
oooo what about “Alive in Blunderland”? “Alice in Chains?” oh darn that is taken….um, “Irvine Betty”? “Slaphappy Sahm”….and yes, I could go on and on and on……I have very strange talents people.
How about “Likes to Make Grown Men Cry Like Babies?” Too long? What about “Lizzy Bennett’s Evil Twin?”
I wish I could have been a derby girl!! SO cool! Back to your name. How about Kick-ass wordsmith…she will slap you silly with metaphors! Watch out!
hahah all of those are great names! However, I’m leaning towards “Weak Ankle Suzie” 🙂
My name would be “Extremely Paranoid/Hypochondriac – What the hell am I thinking – Amanda.” It’s long but it suits haha.
How about The ‘Sahm’ma Slamma?
Sounds like a drink… which is probably why I like it.
I am getting tickets and going! I didn’t even know OC had a Roller Derby team. Thanks for the heads-up. I’ll come over and say “hi” if I see you.
Oh, I like “Dorothy Parker’s Wrath on Wheels” you’ll be safe in glasses.
Thanks again!
L
Suz, It was awesome having you there tonight. We really hope you had a good time. We’re going to get you on wheels one way or another, sister! As for your derby name, sadly Malice in Wonderland is already taken so how about Voodoo Sugar or Kitten L’Gore, Astro Pop (cause those things are dangerous), Maiden America, Jezebel Hell, Hard Candy, Anita Margarita or my favorite Si Cobitch. Seriously, start stocking up on fishnets cause we’re taking you for a ride!! See you on the 27th!
xoxo
Cupcake
I am so going to this event! If there is one sport I could participate in it would be this or dodgeball! Thank you for sharing this great information. I may even have to blog.
*cough* I’ve been pushing this name for months, with no takers… How about Margaret Chokabitch? ^__^
Regardless, it was wonderful having you at practice tonight! I can’t wait to read the article.
And to throw in some league/self-promotion… To anyone who thinks they don’t have the metaphorical balls (yeah, you’re only allowed to be on a team if you’re female–referees can be male), I call shenanigans. Drop me an email, and I’ll wow you with the story of my roller derby career! Long story short, over-analytical, 4’10” Chinese girl with horrible balance becomes over-analytical, 5’1″ Chinese girl with a nerdy handle, slightly better balance and a knack for taking out people who underestimate her–and all on skates!