I posted my “Holiday party survival tips” aka “The four dreadful party personalities” on my blog at The Orange County Register. So, if you missed it, you can go HERE to read it and leave a smarmy comment.
I wrote this about a month ago and now feel the need to add two more personalities you don’t EVER want to get cornered by at a party.
The instant BFF (just add wine)
Favorite topics of conversation: Nothing seems off-limits. Should she break-up with her boyfriend of seven years? Will he EVER ask her to marry him? In-depth analysis of each of her boyfriend’s friends. Why she doesn’t use OB tampons anymore.
How to handle: Dead straight honesty! Tell her EXACTLY what you think she should do. Get explicated with your own detailed, gory relationship stories. Give her a “take away” by sketching graphs and charts on a cocktail napkin. For instance “Likelihood he is cheating on you” graph or a chart of her reproductive capability over the next 15 years.
Person with distracting hair or manner
Favorite topic of conversation: This person, has no outstanding personality fault, God bless ’em. They simply have something bewildering or annoying about them that makes it impossible to concentrate on whatever it is they are saying–like a really bad toupee, big power hair, or a constant folding and unfolding of their napkin.
How to handle: Pretend you are in a scene from a Coen Brothers, Christopher Guest or Ben Stiller movie and this person one of the “quirky” characters you’re meant to embrace. Feel free to ramp up your own distracting manner and enjoy the party.
Ugh. The Instant BFF. Right up in your face, and so freaking needy. Gah. Makes me wish I’d stayed home!
I love Christopher Guest! Coen Bros too!
I hate the instant BFF. Don’t they have real friends to share this stuff with? Can’t they see I’m bored and falling asleep? I think telling them EXACTLY what they should do is a good idea. They definately don’t want to hear that!
hey, remember that time you moved an annoying piece of hair off my face???
Hey Lisa,
No–you are never annoying. Always adorable!
I love the dreadful party personalities. The one that I always dread is the obnoxious drinker – the more they drink the more obnoxious (and louder) they get. The one worse than that though is the childish drinker – they become younger and younger as they get drunker and drunker. The childish drinker really freaks me out.
There are plenty of times I’ve felt like I’m in the cocktail party scene in A Mighty Wind. There’s always some blowhard who thinks they know music trivia spouting “facts” that are really fiction.
Oh, NO! Was that YOU I spilled my guts to at that Wine Tasting Party??? Sorry. Bwahahahaha!
You should make up a little “quick reference” card that we could tuck into our purses in case of a party emergency:) Thanks to you, we would know what to look for AND how to handle the situation. You ROCK!
That is too funny! And I love the photo! AWESOME! Ugh..The Instant BFF! Been there for sure…at a wedding last year for sure!
Oh well gosh darnit, now I am definitely checking out your OC Register version, because I am quite sure I’m not either one of these. I’d better go find out what I am.