Has The Empire Waist Dress Made Us Forget Basic Social Etiquette?

I am going to review a piece of social etiquette that I would have thought everyone had mastered by now. Sadly, to my utter horror, certain people need a refresher course. It seems the empire waist dress is causing some confusion in this area.

Under no circumstances should you ever ask me, or any other female, if she is pregnant.

Unless I say something like “Hi, I’m pregnant” or I am being wheeled into the delivery room, huffing and puffing, with everyone scurrying around and screaming “The baby is coming!” then, and only then, is it okay to say, “My, are you pregnant?”

It is not okay, just as a for instance, while attending a party to say to a casual acquaintance (me), “Oh Suz, are you pregnant?”

Of course, I respond with a firm, “No,” expecting you to fall to your knees in total humiliation pleading for my forgiveness.

But, instead of doing that, don’t tilt your head and pout your lip and say, “Shut up, you are too.”

And for heaven’s sake, when I say, “Really, I’m not. You’re hurting my feelings.” Don’t look at me skeptically, with hands on hips as if to say, “Oh you, yes you are.”

If that happens I will be forced to show you that the label on my dress says “J.Crew” not “Pea in the Pod.”

In the name in all that is good, don’t then ask me if I just had a baby.

If this transpires I will be left with no other option then to stomp away, get a drink, and proceed to tell every other woman at the party what you had said to me. All of them gasping the same response, “Noooo, which one is she?”

Finally, I have no choice but to write about it here. But of course, I won’t use your name. (But it is the name of Buddy Holly song and it rhymes with sauna).

Now, let’s all say it together, “Under no circumstances should I EVER ask a female if she is pregnant. . (Make mental note to yourself, especially me or anyone who has a blog.)