Shameful things I have eaten as a mom

Momminess has made me do some pretty ridiculous things, like carry snails shells in my purse or buy a sixty dollar silk Christmas dress for a two-year-old.

But, it’s the shameful things that I have eaten as a mom that really get to me. Before I rattle off a list of foods I have eaten that would make a billy goat stop and think, let me lay out for you what I think is THE most proper “Mom Lunch” in my mind: tuna fish sandwich, on a toasted whole wheat english muffin, with lettuce, tomato and lite mayonnaise, side of low fat cottage cheese and sliced apples.

I have never actually had this for lunch as a mom, but someday I hope to…I have bought all the ingredients for this lunch, but have ended up throwing away more cottage cheese then I care to admit.

The shameful list:

Built a “Chicken Sandwich” out of nine or ten small dinosaur chicken nuggets.

Three-hour-old Mac & Cheese, straight from the pot.

About a thousand pizza crusts.

Things left on child’s plate, like soggy fries, cold hot dog buns and all kinds of salads (three bean, macaroni etc).

Twelve handfuls of Gold Fish–not so bad right?, but– walking from the toy aisle to the checkout counter at Target.

(Drank) lots of melted Icee’s.

Left over party foods like cupcakes and birthday cakes. (My kids are notorious icing-only eaters.)

Hmmm, how do I describe this one?…You’re at a restaurant and your kids order pancakes and they only eat three bites, so you lean in and “just finish up” the remaining 3/4ths of their short stack.

Cookie dough! Cookie dough! Cookie dough!

Oh, I am miles and miles away from the perfect tuna fish sandwich mom…at least I have something to strive for, right?