Ways to amuse yourself in Orange County

I don’t care for Starbucks, I much prefer “The Bean.” I can be fiercely loyal to ultimately pointless things–like coffee, shampoo or ….

When circumstances such as location or parking make Starbucks more convenient (which is almost all the time), this is how I make the trip worth it …

When I order, I act like I have never stepped foot in a Starbucks in my life and need an enormous amount of help ordering.

At the counter I stammer, “Hmmm, what’s popular here?”

The stunned barista usually says something like, “Hot or cold?”

To which I reply, “Oh, I don’t want anything to eat, just a coffee.”

Stumped, cashier most likely will say, “No, do you want a hot drink or cold drink?”

Then I spring a look like it’s the first time I’ve ever heard of an iced cold java, “Oooo cold coffee? I’ll have one of those.”

You see where this is going … We go through the various choices – blended, on ice, caramel, vanilla, mocha, whipped cream – and with each suggestion I get more and more excited at the idea of it.

“Great! I’ll have a small iced mocha coffee,” I finally say.

This is where it gets really fun. An employee at Starbucks must be mandated to never utter the words “small,” “medium” or “large,” so they always repeat it like this, “That will be a tall iced mocha.”

“Yes, a small iced mocha coffee,” I ‘repeat’ back.

“Okay, a tall iced mocha,” they ‘repeat’ back.

(Heeheehee … properly satisfied now.)

My best friend and I just did this at a drive-thru Starbucks yesterday–they really WON’T say anything but the Starbucks sizes.

I always tip big for being such a jerk and I never do it if there is a big line–I’m not THAT mean. I NEVER do this at The Bean, ever!